5. Garden Slug Diet. Everyone knows that gardening is good exercise, but if all that squatting in the garden to pull weeds or plant seeds isn't giving you the cardio workout you need sprinkle some salt on those garden slugs. This takes natural slug control a bit far, no?
4. Garden Gnome Terrorists. A terror threat is infiltrating America in the form of garden gnomes. The next time you're in your garden hit one with the garden rake and see if it cries out. They hate us for our freedom, but love us for our gardens?
3. Stolen Garden Tools. You aren't going crazy and it isn't a sign of you getting older, your garden tools aren't vanishing- they're being stolen. A "garden nut" stole 318 sprinklers, 127 extension cords, 108 shovels from his unsuspecting neighbors.
2. Gardens Damaged by Garden Faeries. The typical gardener upon discovering damage in the garden will probably blame it on deer, squirrels, raccoons or a variety of other garden pests. It turns out these critters have been unfairly blamed. The real culprits are garden faeries who eat $200 million in produce every year. Think about that the next time you put a faerie door in your garden. 
1. Gardening Ghost. If your husband isn't much help around the garden perhaps he can make it up to you in the afterlife. This lucky, depending on how you see it, widow has an extremely low-maintenance garden because her husband's ghost does all the work. How would you like your very own ghost to prune and fertilize your garden?These stories and more can be found in the digital archives of WWN on Google Books. I'm surprised by all the ads for what seem like real gardening products that can be found in this periodical. Do that many gardeners really read it?
Related:
Gardening Articles in Life magazine
I just read your comments on useless gardening husbands to my own dear spouse (who fits the category). That's been his plan all along, he said.
ReplyDeleteLOL Penny. He's a smart man.
ReplyDeleteHa ha ha! What a great publication...and to think I actually made that dang-blasted fairy garden! If I had only known!!!
ReplyDeleteLOL Julie. If your garden faeries get out of hand I believe there is a product at the link that helps control them. :0)
ReplyDeleteLOL!
ReplyDeleteI'm still mad three years later that someone stole my shovel. I left it out overnight on the patio, and the next day it was gone. I searched all over the yard for it. I still can't believe someone would steal something like that in this neighborhood.
My mom gave it to me, and I had a sentimental attachment to it. It was pretty old, had a nice patina and an oak handle. It looked alot like those vintage-looking tools we saw at the IGC show, which is one reason I spent so much time looking at them. Every so often I'd clean it up real nice and oil the wood. I've seen similar shovels sold in antique shops. I had used that shovel since I was a kid.
Every time I think about it I get mad all over again. I've learned my lesson, and the old spade Mom gave me never leaves my sight when it's out. I want my shovel back!
Garden Girl,
ReplyDeleteI know what you mean. This past spring someone stole my tools from the backyard and I'm still upset about it and looking into other people's yards to see if I can spot them.
Thanks for a laugh, MBT. Now that gardening is such a hot commodity, thieves have obviously decided that there's gold in them thar beloved tools of the trade! Obviously, so have some enterprising writers/editors. So far, no humans have spirited anything of value away, but the insects have established a New World Order headquarters in my yard this year and demanding gourmet meals around-the-clock.
ReplyDeleteWhere's the article about planting trowels, garden forks, keys, etc. and ending up with the tool tree?
ReplyDeleteW2W,
ReplyDeleteYou have some uppity bugs in your garden, don't you? Mine seem to leave the food alone and are content with the regular old plants. :0)
Xan,
LMAO, I had to read your comment twice before I got it. I'm sure they'll get that idea sooner or later if they haven't, yet.
Maybe it's because no one else in the vicinity grows veggies or fruit. Our garden apparently is the "only game in town" for bug food. Every year it gets worse so the word must be spreading.
ReplyDeleteI beleive every one of these. Yes I do.
ReplyDeleteLOL, I steal yard waste bags full of leaves this time of year, personally!
ReplyDeleteW2W,
ReplyDeleteMaybe there is a tiny neon sign in your garden that says "Diner" with a flashing arrow that you just can see. :0)
Benjamin,
Why am I not surprised?
Monica,
Why am I not surprised? LMAO. BTW, thanks to your leaf mulching tip you shared earlier here I'm looking forward to stealing bags of leaves in my neighborhood this year.