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You Know You're An Urban Gardener When

I took advantage of a relatively sunny day today to clean up the garden a little. I was amazed at how the mind wanders and the things that occur to you when you're out in the garden with only your thoughts. I started to remember the photos that didn't get posted to this garden blog, all of the seeds that I never got around to sowing in the garden this year, the plants that didn't get propagated and the experiences I've had over the past two years in (or because of) the garden. Some of the things I was thinking about are universal to all gardeners and gardens but I can't help but think that some of them can only happen in an urban garden or to an urban gardener.

You know you're an urban gardener when;

1. Instead of weeding you spend most of the time in the garden picking up fliers for chiropractors, Domino's Pizza and workman's comp lawyers.

2. Buying cheap seeds at Walgreens requires body armor.

3. You can water your entire garden with the Go, Diego Go! water sprinkler you bought for your nephew.

4. You're afraid to step into your garden at night because you can hear the rats rustling through the columbines and daylilies.

5. You see a lady in a burka walking off with the purple coneflower plant she pulled out of your garden but you don't go after her because the Baptist missionaries stop you to invite you to church the next day.

6. You get offended when your mailman ask you if you're growing corn.

7. A "temporary companion" is your garden coach.

8. It looks like you mulch with potato chip bags and candy bar wrappers.

9. You buy "garden art" at the dollar store and it still gets stolen.

10. The police mistake your indoor plants for a marijuana farm .

if you have your own examples feel free to add them in the comments.


  1. wiseacre7:25 PM

    I'm a country boy so I have a few twists:

    You must be a city gardener when

    it's illegal to use old appliances for yard art.

    neighbor's file complains about the "weeds" in your yard.

    your garden isn't a salad bar for deer.

    finding composted manure is like going on a quest for the Holy Grail

  2. Another entertaining post--and comment by wiseacre, too! Although I giggle, I'm glad I'm NOT an urban gardener.

  3. You keep finding your garden hose is getting shorter and shorter as little bits of hose are being cut off. Why are there so many plastic bottles in your yard? Your low hanging bushy plant seems to have someone living under it at night as evinced by something that resembles a blanket and sundry items of beverage packaging.

    You don't plant anything in your front garden that isn't free to all who pass by and you are careful about planting thorny or poisonous plants at the front of your house in case of legal liabilities from tresspassers or the postie.

    Your biggest nightmare is that your neighbours will errect something that will block out all sunlight to your garden and have the effect of a nuclear winter.

    You find plants that don't belong in your yard and supspect that you are the victim of guerilla gardening.

    Neighbourhood watch has contacted you personally as they noticed that you hadn't been in your garden for a while and they wanted to know if you were still alive.

    You have had to pay huge amounts of money to replace parts of the sewer and plumbing system in your backyard due to root invasion.

    The police have had to calm down a neighbourhood kerfuffle related to your passion for composting.

  4. Wiseacre,

    That's hilarious. You need to start your own blog.


    Glad you found them funny.


    That's a great list. If you add more of them to your blog let me know. You're in Australia and I love your "urban" perspective.

  5. wiseacre11:49 PM

    You know you're an urban gardener when

    you're the only one in the neighborhood to own a pair of barn boots.

    you go to parades with a scoop and bucket and follow the horses.

    you eat a fresh tomato

  6. The president of your neighborhood association looks at the narrow band of earth between the sidewalk and the street and ask, "What's going on with your grass strip."

    When you plant daffodils in tree pits with your neighbors, and you explain that they must be planted nose up, you're hailed as an "expert."

    You have more compost bins than your neighbors. Hell, you're the only one with compost bins.

    You set such an example, your neighbors start their own compost bins.

  7. Great post ... no longer have a garden, but as I posted once before "you know your an urban gardener when your shrubs provide temporary shelter" ... or your spigot is used as a public shower :)

  8. At least you can laugh about it! Your post, as well as the additions by commenters are a hoot. I guess I'm lucky to have a suburban/rural garden with an 8 ft. block fence surrounding it. Life is dull, but I can always visit your site for a laugh.

  9. I always enjoy your blog, today is very humorous. :-) BTW, I have tagged you so expect some new visitors. Its about Seven Weird or Random facts about YOU. And you can read about it on my weblog The Seeded Earth. Have a great day.

  10. Hilarious posts and comments. Like Jodi, I'm glad I'm not an urban gardener.

  11. Oh my God, that was one of the funniest things I've ever read.
    I'm adding you to my favorites. You're funny.

    O.K., one time I did have to step over a wino to get to my garden hose when I lived in San Francisco.

  12. You also know you're an urban gardener when you have to consider whether your hardscaping plans for the front yard would be too enticing to neighborhood skaters.

    You know you're an urban gardener when you judge when you should go in to start supper by when the scowling kid with the iPod turned up way loud walks by on his way home from the bus stop.

    You know you're an urban gardener when you have to clean "city grime" off of your windows in order to see your backyard garden.

    You know you're a city gardener when you wonder whether a certain fragrant rose will combine well with the sweet scent of exhaust fumes.

  13. you know you're an urban gardener when:

    you have to remind people that it is your garden and could they please not eat their lunches on your front steps.

    you like the sparkle discarded cigarette cellophane makes when it is hit by the sun.

    people knock on the door to ask when your garden shop is open.

    you have as many plants in a few square meters as your friends have on their entire suburban property.



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